


Promise

by paulmcfartney



Series: McLennon Drabbles [5]
Category: McLennon - Fandom, The Beatles
Genre: Beatles Slash, M/M, McLennon, coming out ??, john is too gay for his own good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13338741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paulmcfartney/pseuds/paulmcfartney
Summary: req: "Paul keeps hearing/finding John alone crying or swearing at himself and finally asks what's wrong and John gets mad at him for caring and they go to bed and then John cries in his sleep, and asks to sleep with Paul and Paul let's him crawl into bed with him and John confesses why he's been so depressed (he's in love with Paul) and obviously paul feels the same (sorry it's so specific)"





	Promise

Paul could hear the near silent whimpers coming from the other side of the hotel room like nails on a blackboard. The past few nights, he’d found John crying at random times, sometimes even having to excuse himself from the rest of the group. It was concerning, as John almost never let his guard down in front of anyone, except for Paul. And when he would catch him, Paul could physically feel the effect it had on him, the tugging in his chest becoming almost unbearable. Paul would give up everything to be able to just hold John tightly in his arms and give him endless kisses to make everything alright.

He’d found him in the bathroom one night, leaned up against the sink with tears streaming down his angular face. Thankfully, he didn’t push Paul away, as he thought he would, but let him pull him into his chest to hold him there as he cried. Paul remembered asking him what was wrong, but John only shook his head and dug his nose even further into the crook of his neck.

Words couldn’t describe how badly he wanted to crawl over to John on the other bed and tell him that everything was going to be alright. It wasn’t that simple, however, because Paul feared that if he held John like that, he wouldn’t ever be able to let go. John absolutely couldn’t know about Paul’s feelings towards him. God, he couldn’t even think about what he’d do if he knew that Paul sometimes physically ached for him to just lay next to him, for them to be able to share feather light kisses until the night closed in on them. But it was a taboo subject, homosexuality. If you were openly queer, or the wrong person just happened to find out about it, you’d be inherently hated and ignored by the public, which was right shit in Paul’s eyes.

Amidst his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed right away how the space in the small bed dipped beside him. Paul twisted around in the bed sheets only for his eyes to meet a pair of pained puffy, red ones. Without thought, Paul immediately pulled him close into his chest, just like he’d pictured before. John nuzzled into the crook of the man’s neck, wetting it with fresh tears, and wove his arms around him to lock together behind his dark head of hair. Paul hastily pulled the duvet up and over his shuddering body, then leading a careful hand down to stroke up and down his back.

As John whimpered into his neck, Paul couldn’t help but feel like he was about to cry himself. It was so terribly painful seeing that something was bothering John so greatly, enough to affect him that he cried about it every night. Paul suddenly became very aware of the light sobbing against his collarbone and brought the quivering man in closer in an attempt to calm him down.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m here, John. I’m here,” Paul whispered into the man’s ear, his fingers tangling in the hair that resided on the back of his neck. John sniffled and gulped, calming down even more, and pulled his ruffled head of hair away to reveal his eyes glistening with fresh fallen tears. His eyes seemed even more sunken in the pale moonlight, and the glow highlighted the faint tear tracks running down his cheeks. Paul felt a tug at his heart at the almost unbearable sight.

“What’s the matter, love?” Paul questioned gently, his thumbs swiping along John’s angular face to try to wipe up the tears. He looked away, a twinge of anger bringing his eyes closed. “Don’t call me that,” he muttered, almond eyes glued to the pillow. John pulled his head from Paul’s grip as another tear fell from his eye. “Why, w-what did I do?” Paul stuttered, nervous that he had been the one to cause this problem that John had been dealing with.

“Christ Paul, you didn’t–nothing’s your fault, alright?” John assured shakily, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head back and forth against the pillow. He drew an unsteady breath and glanced around the small hotel room that they’d been sharing. “God, I’m so fucking disgusting,” John sighed wearily. He brought a hand to wipe at the tear that had just fallen down to his jawline. Paul wondered how he managed to be so incredibly beautiful even as he was crying into the duvet that had been pulled up to his chin. John tucked his nose into the crook of Paul’s neck once more.

“Really, I want you to tell me what’s wrong,” Paul spoke softly, not wanting to upset him any more than he already was. He could feel the man exhale against his jaw, making him shiver and the hair on his arms stand on end. John pulled back to look at him again, almost begging for him to let up at least a little bit. Paul’s features softened, raising a hand to stroke against his cheek. “You’re not disgusting, John,” he muttered sweetly, his breath ghosting over the man’s angular nose, which was less than an inch from brushing against Paul’s

John shut his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. “I think I’m in love with someone, y'know, other than Cyn. And it’s difficult ‘cos even if me and Cyn weren’t married or anythin’, I couldn’t do anythin’ about it,” he croaked, his voice thin and raspy. Paul’s breath hitched in his throat and he felt his heartbeat pick up rapidly. He couldn’t mean him, could he? Paul cursed himself for actually believing that John was talking about him.

Paul gulped. “Well it’s not like you can help it, y'know,” he stammered, choosing his words carefully. “Love isn’t somethin’ you can control, mate. It’s not that big of a deal.” His hand ghosted over John’s bare side, which was exposed from his night shirt that had ridden up. John let out a small, almost unnoticeably solemn chuckle and shifted so that he could rub a hand over his tired eyes. “It’s a pretty big fuckin’ deal when you’re in love with your best mate.“

That was it. Paul was almost entirely sure that his heart had stopped beating in his chest altogether. This was absolutely unreal. Paul couldn’t help but freeze his roaming fingers against John’s skin. “Y-You what?” he stuttered, eyes wide and breathing heightened. John shrugged and shook his head, another tear streaming down his cheek. “Don’t make me fuckin’ say it again, Paulie,” John spat lowly, eyes refusing to meet Paul’s.

For the first time that night, Paul found himself smiling, and felt a small giggle bubbling up from his throat. “You’ve got to be the most fucking oblivious person on the face of the earth, John,” Paul snickered and did something he only thought was possible in his dreams. Paul’s lips covered John’s trembling ones in a short, yet passionate kiss, his fingers floating up to hold John steady under his chin. After a moment, John began to fall under Paul’s spell, his hands kneading through his dark hair to pull him closer.

Their mouths moved together in harmony, and Paul even dared to run his tongue lightly over John’s thin bottom lip, making the man shudder against him. John surprised the younger man by pulling him on top of him so that Paul was straddling his waist. Paul giggled and slowed the movement of their lips to a leisurely pace, his hands placed on either side of John’s face.

They separated slowly, Paul running his calloused fingers along the outlines of John’s sideburns and grinning. “I love you too, John,” he whispered into his thin lips, their foreheads pressed together. For the first time in several days, John genuinely smiled. Not just a fake media smile, but his authentic, beaming grin that made Paul feel all warm and fuzzy inside. “I’ve loved you for so long,” Paul babbled on. John’s chest heaved with both shock and excitement as Paul’s fingers trailed down to trace the curve of his jaw. “Really?” he marvelled, eyed no longer watering, but radiating pure joy. Paul nodded and flashed him a charming grin before leaning back in to connect their eager lips. “Absolutely.”

They shared the small, twin-sized bed that night. That night was the first time they hadn’t slept top and tail because of the lack of room. Instead, they made the most of it and stayed wrapped up together in a tangle of lazy arms and intertwined legs, leaving small, fluttering kisses on the other until the night ran out.


End file.
